An open letter to my father

I have heard it so many times that we choose our parents way before we are born, and I am happy that I am the one out of a million who won the race!

Meet Pathisa Nyathi, the man I chose to father me

Dear Father

I think anyone who really knows me, knows that you are my role model, how could you not be?

Your love and passion for what you do, is one beautiful thing I have enjoyed witnessing all my life. Your love to preserve and preach Zimbabwe’s liberation history, the Ndebele history and culture is amazing , I see all the late nights putting in the work. You are one of the most hard working people I know and you stand for what you believe in.

Source: The Chronicle (online)

You are also a funny person and most people don’t know that. I love how we have our inside jokes like the Pampers jokes. You’re the only person I know to say that masks are oral condoms and even say it on a live show!

The strength you have is amazing. I have seen you in situations that could have left you broken, but you came out strong. I have let you down a few times, I mean many times but still forgave me and moved on from our differences.

You’re not a very vocal person, but yet your strong quiet presence is always felt. This is the kind of love that I know that even if you don’t say it out loud that you love me, I can see and feel it that you do.

Does this not scream I love you???? A children’s book father wrote in 1994

What I also appreciate is that you have given me my flowers whilst I am still alive, you do acknowledge my proud moments.

I have learnt a lot from you and the lesson which tops it all is to work hard and stand for what I believe in. I continue to take notes…

A man passionate about what he does. Source: Kgosi Nyathi (twitter)

AmaBirwa loNkulunkulu babe lawe, until you see my children now that they have answered part of my prayer, that you see me graduate.

PS: l appreciate the fact that you make feel like this tech savvy goddess. I am here to update your WA and upload a profile picture for you, ALWAYS!

Uyiskhokho Mr Father

Yimi icinathunjana lakho elikuthandayo,


Umuntu loyise esporweni


This is my first blog nomination and its a big deal which is why I will pop a bottle later, because why not? Its a NOMINATION! The fact that I was, means I am doing something right. I was nominated for the Liebster Award by Nashe, (shout out to him!) whom I recently followed. Do make time to visit his blog.

The Liebster Award is an online award given to bloggers by other bloggers. So here it goes:


• Thank the Blogger who nominated you

• Answer the 11 questions given to you

• Nominate 11 Bloggers

• Notify your nominees once you have uploaded your post

Questions And Answers

What is your favorite book and why

My current favourite book right now is Becoming, Michelle Obama’s memoir. I am not a fan of politics and even worse, I know nothing about USA politics. But she wrote it in such a way that I did not put the book away. Another point is the fact that she addressed issues that are difficult to talk about like miscarriage. Also, I wanted to really find out what life as a first lady (I have a feeling I will be one LOL) and one of the most powerful people is like. She told it in the most down to earth way.

What songs do I currently have on repeat

I have the whole Chosi album by Buhlebendalo on repeat. It has 13 songs and a day cannot start and end without listening to the album. Her songs are spiritual and of course carry a heavy meaning with them. I don’t have a favourite from the 13 songs because I like them ALL, from Salute, to Ilanga, to Too late for mama to Ntabe’zimnyama…hayi ZONKE! Oh Buhle is the girl from The Soil accapella group by the way.

Which season [ Autumn, Spring, Summer or Winter ] best describes you

I am me throughout all the seasons really. And I hate winter.

In the event of an emergency home evacuation , what is the first item you grab

Popticorn!!! But seriously it has to be my phone and maybe its charger.

Which historical figures would you like to meet and why

Joshua Mqabuko Nyongolo Nkomo. I worked on something that required me to read his autobiography and I wish I had read it earlier… the man went through a lot for the nation and his determination to see an independent Zimbabwe is why I want to have coffee with him (it can’t be wine because he didn’t take percentage). Point to note: I can only meet him in a dream now and its very much possible for that to happen. MHSCRIP. As for living historical figures I already live with one, so its okay.

What makes a good blog

Consistency and marketing, and YOU who will read.

Back to the past or forward to the future

The future please, more interesting and fun things await me.

Your dream Vacation

Anywhere with wifi or internet connection lol. But seriously, it has to be a place surrounded by nature, the Matopo vibes you feel me? That place has to be in Kenya!!!!

The greatest movie of all time

The fault in our stars and one day I will tell you why.

Wealth or Health

wealth please so that if am not healthy then I will afford to seek medical attention, you see?

Your proudest moment

I have looooots of them, for example, finally getting out of a toxic relationship hehehe which also is a story for another day BUT the one which takes the cup is co-authoring a book and getting it published!

AND THE NOMINEES ARE: actually I will announce them on twitter!

Why getting older hasn’t completely sucked

In as much as growing up has shown me flames and fulfilled the statement/proverb (whatever it is), ‘kura uone’ which my mom loved to say; it hasn’t completely sucked.

Picture credit: never mind it

7 months having graduated, I still haven’t figured out what it is exactly I want to major in in the publishing industry; textbook publishing definitely being at the bottom of the list. Between this and a whole lotta things, there are reasons why I have enjoyed getting older. Fun fact: I am at that confusing age where you are older but still a child.

Having grown up, its has been EASY TO SPEAK UP. In the previous years it wasn’t really easy to speak, be it with family, friends or whatever. Most probably why most of my relationships (not only romantically) have failed or been shakey. Communication wasn’t my strong point, I would even find it hard to confront someone about something they did which I didn’t like. I would keep distance for a day two until I am over it. I hate fights or arguing and l thought that confrontation will lead to that.

But now I have grown to learn that its possible to address an issue to someone and solve it without getting into a fight of some sort.

PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS GOING TO TALKno matter what. We human beings are the worst sometimes. I know I am shitty to other people and I probably say and do things that leave them wondering what kind of a person I am. Growing up has led me to understand that that’s just how it is, life must continue.

I remember when I started where I currently work, a guy who stays in our area asked where I will be going every morning and I told him I am employed and to him that was a shock. UGuy wababaza shame (he reaaaaally exclaimed) and I was left confused as to what is shocking about me getting a job. He then continued to say that I got the job because of my father. I was left weak, and he was not the only one to say that. I did not have a great day that day.

Does this look like a ’employed because of daddy’ person to you?

I have come to understand that I WILL GO THROUGH THE MOST TERRIBLE TIMESand that’s how it is. I never liked it when I faced tough times, it never made sense as to why I will go through the things I went through. But I have come to learn that that’s just how life is, its not always going to be gin and lemonade with a fresh slice of lemon and cucumber. And if I am lucky enough; I will learn something from that experience.

When mother passed away, I never thought life would be the same again. And there were other times where bad things kept happening one after the other and not sure how I will be able to pick the pieces up. But you know what? Here I am, gaining weight (even if it’s less than 1 kg) and looking at a prospective romantic relationship.

VALUING MY TIME has been added on the table. No more time spent on some B.S, there are better things to do with my time than waste it on stupid things.  I could sleep, read, eat… I certainly do not have the time to run after people who don’t want to be in my life anymore. People come and go and no matter how much we might want to keep them in our lives, its just not meant to be sometimes. Sticking in toxic and dysfunctional relationships is a thing of the past!

Sis has also appreciated the fact of TAKING IT ONE STEP AT A TIME. Like I already indicted, I am still not sure what to major in in the publishing industry, and I am not going to force it. I already know what I don’t want to do and that is already a step in the right direction right?

In as much as I have changed or learnt a few things in life, I believe I am still the same Fiks(ie) or Fixx(ie) (I honestly don’t know how my nickname is spelt). I am still the same skinny and silly girl I was in 2010 when I laughed at a slice of bread. The same girl who jokes about random things and laughs at herself.

But like we all know it’s not all peaches in the grown-up world, maybe next time I will look at how getting old kinda and sorta sucks.

Emoji communication: oh so confusing 🤬🍑🤯

Whilst emojis have made online communication more fun and exciting, it has brought confusion and unnecessary tension – well, at least for me. Confusing because the way I perceive emojis is not 100 percent the way the person I’m chatting to does.

Its hard to convey them accurately and sometimes its not so easily clear if they are being used ironically or ‘matter-of-factly’ – so misunderstanding comes to play.

There is someone l know very well and honestly I never used to understand how they use emojis. I always felt like they were unhappy with me. First times l would ask if anything is a problem and there was no problem l was told- but the used emoji left a lot of questions to me. For an example I’ll ask for help with something then response comes back like, “okay 😏” what the hell does that emoji mean???! You don’t want to help? Is what l am asking for stupid? Am l bothering you?

I came to the realization that that’s how that person is. To them that emoji means a totally different thing. But l do have serious questions with their choice of emojis.

Once upon a time, a guy texted me, “I like you😐” and to me that didn’t make sense. Because honestly there are better emojis to use with that statement. Better yet, Don’t use any.

What l find funny though are people who use this emoji 😭 when laughing…BUT HOW ???

Anyhu with that said, l know emojis make better sense when there is text accompanying them or they are reacting to what’s been said but this is what these few emojis mean to ME:

🥴: crushed, could be emotionally or physically

🤣: this is the LMAO (Laughing My Ass Out) of the emojis

😬:unsure of what you saying or what was said…could be another subtle way of telling a person they are wrong

🥺: can’t really explain this one but it has to do with feeling all smooshy, or reacting to something cute, or happiness that comes from deep with, okay let me just say zvimanyukunyuku

🤲🏻: these hands to me look like they are begging

🍑: this is not just a fruit emoji

💦: this is also not just water droplets emoji (if you know you know)

I have learnt that emojis (which are not obvious) can be interpreted differently by another person and can have a different meaning depending on what’s being talked about.

What’s in my bag?

I have always loved small bags. I find them cute and easy to handle.
Someone saw this and thought of me, cute right? (Haven’t had the chance to flaunt it because COVID-19 doesn’t want to see a girl flex)

I thought it would be cool (and maybe fun) to share about the things that I always carry in my bag. I am not a notorious over-packer, in actual fact; I am a sling bag girl. I don’t like big and heavy bags; my life is not that exciting. This is what you will find in my everyday bag:

Tissue: I roll out tissue every time I leave the house. Sometimes I don’t use it but I still roll out the next day, leaving my bag with stacks of tissue. If only it were stacks of cash.

Note book and pencil: I do get ideas ruminating in my mind MOST times and I am a very forgetful person so its always wise for me to have a note pad and pencil nearby. I could just type it in the note app in my phone but paper slaps different. NB: I love pencils more than pens; for whatever reason. I digress: I usually get ideas in the oddest or weirdest moments. Like I could be walking to work or in the kombi, bathing even when an idea for a blog post pops up or whatever.

Rings: I am a sucker for fashion rings and I have the fingers for them if I do say so myself. I find it weird to put on fashion rings at work (but I do it sometimes because TEMPTATION is real) so I put them in my bag. They stay in my bag anyway.

Is it weird I find fresh manicure therapeutic?

Lipstick/lip balm: or Vaseline in a vicks tin! I prefer Vaseline anyway because applying lipstick on lipstick that’s cracked on the lips is uncanny. And sis can’t afford (YET) to spend her likkle salary on those power stay lipsticks that apparently stay on for 12 or more hours.

Shades: I love shades, always have them in my bag but I hardly put them on; only for pictures. I can never walk around in shades.

Sweets and chewing gums: For fresh breath and energy. There are times when I get hungry (I am always hungry), odd times and I can’t eat yet, a sweet does the trick…energy booster. A hungry man is an angry man.

Purse: with broke bank cards and a few bond notes. I leave my national identity card at home because I fear losing it and I dread waking up at 4a.m to go queue at the registrar’s office. I only carry a laminated photocopy. Sh*t, I just realised that my purses are useless.

Sanitary wear: better safe than sorry.

Earphones: This. I can never leave the house without.

A copy(ies) of my book: this is one of the greatest marketing traditions, better to talk about something that you have on you, right? Also, I come across people who ask where they can find the book, well the book is here!!!

The Curse of Red Bottom Heels (co-authored by me) Cover

There you have it, these are contents you will find in my bag, a depressing sight for thieves I’m sure. What are the must-have items in your bag and cannot leave the house without? Drop a comment a below.

I (really) hated my name


If you follow me on the socials you might have noticed that I changed my handles and put my full names. For the longest time I hated my second name, really, I hated it. I am afraid there is no way to sugar-coat it.

I remember at primary school I never mentioned that I had a second name and it was really easy to hide it because at that stage no one is into anyone’s business. Then came secondary school.

When I went to John Tallach I remember I never introduced myself with my full names, it was just Fikile Nyathi but I had my belongings screaming FNN all over. Literally everything was written FNN, from toothbrush to shoe polish to uniforms to underwear, everything! I remember asking mother if she really had to write FNN, why not FN? FNN stands for *drumroll* – Fikile NOMADLOZI Nyathi.

Then it came to boys, oh my gaaad!!! How do I tell a guy that I like and is cute that I am Nomadlozi? First days it would be cool cause I didn’t really have to say it, then it works out and that is one piece of information that will come out at some point. However, I am glad to say I have never been dumped or anything like that because of my second name.

What made the hatred for my name grow stronger were the reactions and questions I always got from people when they heard my name. “Ah so kutshukuthi ulamadlozi?” In their minds I am sure I must have been a sangoma or something like that. And that did not make me happy. 

I remember a neighbour used to call me ‘Dlozi,’ she would say it in a sweet and melodious manner (‘dloziiiiii’), but it was still dlozi you know and I hated it. A part of me thought she was mocking me.

I honestly don’t know how I got to appreciate my second name. But it was during my years at college. A name that I was embarrassed about has become one of the things I like about myself. What people said/say or how they reacted/react to it never botheres(d) me anymore. I really wish I can say I read a motivational story or something made me LOVE my name. It wasn’t even my family. It just happened. The first step to embracing Nomadlozi was changing my Facebook handle, I am not sure how many years back, my memory fails me.

Recently, like last year, I started appreciating my ancestors. You will not find me digging up funny herbs, burning them, clapping hands and all of that stuff. But, I am acknowledging all those who came before me (I am because they were), idlozi liyaphakelwa, but that’s a complete post of its own for another day. Was it bound to happen, considering my name? I wonder…

This is how father got to name me Fikile Nomadlozi…without going into much detail because this post is not about him, father is spiritual. He says many many years back he had a dream that he was going to have a child named Fikile. Did Fikile arrive (pun intended)? Not until a whole 8 years later after the dream. Maybe he had even forgotten about the dream. Mother always said that I pulled a surprise on them, thus, Fikile being the first name. Nomadlozi is then an interlink to my first name. ‘No’ means mother, bringing the meaning: Mother of amadlozi to my name; the ancestors who foretold my birth. Will my name manifest itself? I don’t know. Am I ready? I think so.

Baby Nomadlozi (dear siblings, I am not sorry for cropping you out)

I never bothered to ask why I was named Nomadlozi until later in life. I wonder had I asked earlier, would I have understood and stopped hating my name or it would have made it worse. What matters anyway, is, I am here and baby girl is embracing her name! Let’s toast to that.

I changed my blog’s domain to: … new dispensation or something like that.

Allow me to reintroduce myself; my name is FIKILE NOMADLOZI NYATHI.

Fun fact: I always used my second name to chase away boys in the streets. Never worked. They asked for my number still. Argh

My ideal man in 28 things

I often hear that if you want something, you must speak it into existence. This is me screaming to the universe about my ideal partner.

I don’t want you thinking that I check the list as soon as l meet someone, it doesn’t work like that (the first thing I do check though when a guy approaches me are his hands), I only do so when things start to look promising. My list is not that long, I’m not demanding.  These are the things and they are not presented in order of importance:


Looking at my ideal man like… (File pic) Picture by Mgcini Nyoni

  1. Intelligent: nothing beats deep and meaningful conversations; we can be silly sometimes but let us be able to talk about real and serious things. Otherwise, hamba ngini!
  2. Great sense of humour: I love laughing, lets laugh together.
  3. Don’t be arrogant: do not make feel stupid for complaining or saying out something that bothers me, not matter how silly or small it seems to you. I was once told, ‘yenza okubonayo’ WTF!
  4. Supportive: encourage me. Even if its on something you have no idea about, show interest.
  5. Takes beverage with percentage: it would be nice to have a glass of fermented grapes together; if you don’t take that kind of beverages then do not be the one to judge me.
  6. Helpful: I will come asking for help, I mean you should be the first person I turn to anyway. Actually, sometimes you can decide to offer help: do somethings by yourself.
  7. Apologise: saying sorry never hurt anybody. And its one of the most beautiful things you can ever say to me. I don’t have to force it out of you.
  8. Not a nag: don’t be on my case when I get online and go offline without responding to your messages, obviously there is a reason for it. If you’re my boyfriend, you’re one of my favorite people and I definitely enjoy talking to you but let me breathe!
  9. Have money: I am not after your money, I’m sure you’ll be self-willing to spend a dollar or few dollars on me hehhehe, don’t be rich (even though it’s not a big deal if you are) but be aware that you do need to earn some money and know how you’re going to do it.
  10. Talk about yourself: I looove talking about myself but do talk about yourself as well. What did you dream, who annoyed you at work, what are you thinking…just talk to me.
  11. Not a bore: let’s not do the same things over and over again.
  12. Communicative: I talk a lot (though sometimes I am shy), so talk me, let us talk about anything really, from dog poop to today’s weather to discussing head shapes of passers-by. If you get quiet on me, what should l do with you? Go back home sir.
  13. Not violent: that is not sexy at all.
  14. Be spontaneous: nothing beats that. Quick grab my ass in the shops, a peck on the forehead in front of phamb’ kwabantu, a compliment in front of your close friends. Do something person of God!!!
  15. Respectful: especially to women.
  16. Dress code: I honestly don’t like men in suit. I do have an ex who loved (s) suits, Jesu!
  17. Smell nice: I mean really
  18. Don’t be uptight: I should feel free around you. I should be able to release wind around you, its just natural.
  19. Hair: have hair on that head. DO NOT BE BALD.
  20. Active: what am I honestly going to do with a boyfriend who just lazes around, a couch-potato. There are lazy days in a while but do something, have hobbies.
  21. Facial looks: Don’t be too handsome. Don’t be scary either. Anyway, indoda yindoda ngobubi LOL.
  22. Smart: be clean. If sneakers are white, let them be.
  23. Honest: simple.
  24. Open up: no matter how big or small open up, that doesn’t make you a sissy.
  25. Tall: I am 172cm, so by all means; beat that.
  26. Age: older than me. Preferably 4 years and above
  27. Non-smoker: obabhemi guys? No thanks. I might as well stick my tongue on an ash tray.
  28. Snu-snu(*wink-wink nudge-nudge*): Your snu-snu game should be on point. Imagine having roast duck ALL THE DAMN TIME?!

Potential bae doesn’t have to tick all the boxes of course, that’s just impossible but if you meet most of these things, then we good to go. I can settle for a bald head who ticks most of the boxes, than a sneaker bae who is arrogant, mean, a liar and boring.

So, if my future bae is in these streets and are 100% confident that you tick at least half of the things in the list, that’s okay move along. I am not currently looking.

And if you were to meet each and every thing on the list but still not truly love me, it won’t work.























Things that make me happy: a listicle


A few posts back I did a Get to know me tag question game. Today, I have a list of things that make me happy. These are smosmo (small small) things that give me a manyunyuku vibe. I will list them in no particular order and I have no idea how many things I will have on my list by the end of this post, so here goes:

  • My family: mega love to the Serumula team
  • Music: I still looove Taylor Swift to this day
  • New hair-do: I’m actually way over due for a new cut
  • Manicure: new mani is so therapeutic, but this lockdown got me embracing my natural nails
  • Friends: We have the silliest and most serious conversations
  • Blogging: I love talking about myself…and here it is everything Fikile!
  • Avocado
  • Sleeping in
  • Socks…especially cute ones
  • Tea concoctions: my daily dose


    Ginger+basil+lemon+honey tea
  • Fiction novels
  • Traveling: I just need to have money first
  • Red Red wine!
  • Seeing people in my circle win
  • Sneakers: buy me sneakers
  • Watches
  • Wifi: wifi over boys anytime
  • Popticorn
  • Good movies (a movie that makes me cry is a good movie)
  • Writing…I mean
  • Food: currently craving ezangaphakathi/maguro
  • A new comment and follow on this blog
  • Taking cute pictures
  • Snu-snu

These are basically some of the things that give me joygasm. What’s on your listicle of things that make you happy?

Going commando and everything lockdown

We are in week 5 and self-quarantining is still the order of the day, this is what I have been doing for the past weeks.


I have binge watched on a lot of shows simultaneously, I recently finished Dynasty s3…love it. Fallon Carrington is my favourite probably because she was in The Victorious show which was also my favourite long back. I started on Good girls, dropped it on episode 3, not because l didn’t like it, its hilariously cool but I have so much to watch and I get confused on what to watch. I am going back to it. First week of lock down l watched The Prodigal Son, liked it! Watched and finished in 3 days the 8 episodes of The Stranger. I finished Queen Sono within 24 separated hours (Yup, that’s a thing). Currently watching The Agent, a South African series and it’s probably going to take me a long while to finish it because it’s not that cool, but I do want to finish it. Planning to start on a series, Black AF, which comes highly recommended. I usually watch these shows at night like from 10 till l drop, literally. One time I watched Dynasty till 4 a.m!


Binge watching necessities… I have undying love for Allegros popticorn.


My sleeping patterns have changed. I now fail to sleep before 1a.m and the most productive thing I will be doing is move from one app to the other (Instagram, WhatsApp, Twitter, Facebook) or binge watch. Coolest thing about this is that I have nowhere to be the next morning, so I can sleep in. After doing a bit of work during the day (that is almost over by the way) I sleep for a bit.


Lockdown made me do something I hadn’t done for over three years; working out. With lockdown upon us, I challenged myself to workout. Its over 35 days of lockdown and I am still at it. I had forgotten how painful it is, but it’s also fun. I probably sound like someone who knows what they’ll be doing, well I don’t. I probably still don’t know how to squat or do a bridge and I definitely do not know how to do Russian twists (I can do up to 30 twists and feel nothing, that tells me I was playing). I do cheat a lot, but I am working on it. It’s fun though and with self-isolation going on, so does working out.


A public plea: Please help a girl buy that yoga mat thingy.


I usually make time for my skin care routine, but now I have ALL the time. When life was still ‘normal,’ I set Fridays for my skin care routine which are usually, homemade masks and scrubs. Thank gods for Roller meal (mealie meal + lemon juice is my go-to facial scrub). What has been cool though is giving my skin a break. I am not a make-up person, 90% of the time, trust me to go out without a dash of anything that says makeup on my face. I do sometimes put on lipstick and a bit of mascara and eye-liner, I haven’t touched those since the lockdown began. I want to say this, I don’t do these facial routines because I obsess with beauty, I already am but I have the roughest skin and facial scrubs do the tricks in getting rid of dead skin. I don’t know about you, but a smooth skin is my confidence booster and it definitely makes me feel sexy…what makes you feel sexy? I am not comfortable with black and white heads doing twalatsa on my face!


These are trying times for most if not all involved and a bit of self-isolation is probably making us want to scream the house down. But, instead of screaming and irritating my neighbours, I have a little (or maybe not so little) Gin. Music is therapeutic, playing it louder doubles it. On some days I dance. I’m not a great dancer, actually I can’t dance but it keeps entertained and sane. Whilst still on music, I have developed a liking to Sade. Her music is a fusion of soul and jazz, perfect for me time.



Heck to wearing big girl panties but putting on socks and going commando!


Saving the best for the last. I LOOOOVE this about lockdown. I have spent days without under garments (brassiere and panties). I am going this self-quarantine COMMANDO. I only put on panties when it is really necessary like when f*****g bloody Mary comes for a visit, going to the shops doesn’t count as necessary thank you. I genuinely enjoy life pantiless. It’s honestly liberating and fun. Wedgies (when the pantie gets in the ‘mga’) are a thing of the past. Bathing has also been fun because there are no undies to wash, time saving. I hate washing bras because they need too much attention (at the wire area) and I haven’t experienced that in the longest time. There are health reasons to it as well, chief medical officer for Planned Parenthood Federation of America Raegan McDonald-Mosley, M.D says, “This gives your vulva—the outside of your vag—time to breathe…” It is also beneficial to women who are prone to yeast infections. DID YOU KNOW THAT MEN CAN ALSO GO COMMANDO? Skipping undies has so much comfort, I am not so sure if it’s the same when stepping out the house for long hours like going to work or school BUT I will definitely give it a try. In the meantime, I continue to LIVE LIFE THE COMMANDO WAY.


Woomanhood according to Shanel Cooper Skyes

During this lockdown I have had the opportunity to read a book which a friend shared with me. The book is titled Woman Habits and its written by Shanel Cooper-Skyes. The book is sub-titled, ‘50 habits to elevate your sexiness, godliness, cleanliness and happiness.’ Born in the United States, Shanel is an entrepreneur, spiritual influencer and author who’s advice and motivational wisdom have won her a huge following online (

In this book, Cooper addresses 50 Habits that, “…will address the fundamentals of womanhood.” In the introduction she says, “I realize as an adult woman you know how to be sexy, godly, clean and happy already. I have no doubt that your mother or another family member raised you to become an amazing woman. This book and these 50 habits are meant to elevate your womanhood to a whole new level.” When I read this, I was sold. Cooper had my attention. I read the book within 2 days, its not really a big book anyway.

Most of the habits were interesting and I had different reactions to them. Some were really uncomfortable to read, some funny and some shocking. Hmmm guys, uCooper uthi we (women) must keep our lady parts tasty and exfoliate them with sugar. But anyway, above all; I did come out with a number of things and they made sense to me. Watch me elevate my womanhood to a whole new level.

I want to comment on three out of fifty habits, that is woman habit #1, #2 and #4. There are a number of habits that I could have commented on (like habit #30: value your vagina) but maybe next time.

#1: Keep your mouth shut

Cooper encourages women to be quiet. She says, “often times, women talk too much by nagging, complaining and arguing for no reason at all. This is a senseless waste of your perfectly good vocal chords, energy and time.” As I read this I already was complaining and questioning that is she advising me to bottle up my feelings and just be a spineless person? Well, she goes on to say, “…know when to speak, know when to listen and value the importance of the calm and gentle silence when it matters the most.” I am not an entirely quiet woman. I am not quick to talk but when I do…

I have always tried, please note, TRIED, to choose my words when l talk in order to avoid saying things that I can’t take back. This is not only when I am having an argument with someone but when I talk to myself as well. Talking to yourself is normal, I do it. Words are powerful and I grew being taught that, ‘umlomo uyaloya.’ I will give you an example of a girl who says, “ah mina vele lokhu asikho kwami.” Who said that? Cooper says, “practice the habit of being a quiet woman with observation and awareness, only then can you be led by your intuition.” Wouldn’t hurt trying this, would it?

keep your mouth shut

Shut that mouth. NB:- that pimple on the edge of the bottom lip is painful af

#2: Create daily rituals

This is the habit of spending time with yourself. In the book Cooper says, “every week I want YOU to spend some quality time with yourself. You need to spend some time alone and allow yourself to get to know who you re- ally are as an individual.” I had never done this before. I have, lots of times, been alone but hadn’t taken time to check on myself. I would probably be on my phone or listening to music, doing whatever but I didn’t take time to check on myself.

“It’s hard to remember and be true to who you really are when you have a husband, children, co- workers and strangers around you all the time. In order to be in love, be a great mother or be a strong worker, you have to be conscious and aware of how you show up for other people” she says. I am not necessarily in the same scenario quoted, but time to self I think is important. Giving time to your thoughts. So, after reading the book I did put this challenge to practice. I TRY to have some me time daily. I have been home alone most of the time since the lockdown started but that’s not me time. Me time is me switching off the TV, switching off from everything and paying attention to me. I wrote down what l like and dislike about myself. When being outside is made legal again and it is safe to do so, I am trying out solo dates – investing time, energy and money to myself. I’m eager to found out how that goes.

#4: Commit to you

Marry yourself. To commit is to fulfil what you had set to do. Shanel in her book says, “commitment means doing what must be done even when you don’t want to do it, because you made a promise to yourself to do so. And you made the promise you were looking to accomplish.” Having read this, Fikile got married to Fikile. I married myself. The author gave a tip to print out the vows you make to yourself, frame them and place them where you can see them every day. But because I am always in between places (if I am not at my sister’s house, I am at my brother’s or father’s) and I can’t always carry the frame with me so, I wrote them on my phone notebook, took a screenshot and made them my screensaver. My phone is always with me, I am always with my phone…get the point? Let’s see if I am the committing type.


There are a whole lot of habits that I could have commented on, but nah. What made me happy when l read the book was that I am already a quarter okay that’s pushing it; maybe a tenth of an amazing woman according to Shanel Cooper. For example, Habit #17: Sleep in peace. She notes that your bedroom is a sacred space. Keep tine sheets clean guys! Even kungo bhayi. Problem is that for some of these habits I need money. Cooper in habit #25 talks about smelling like a woman not a girl. Eau de Parfum doesn’t come cheap!!!!!!! I will stick to exfoliating in the meantime, ngelisthe le saka lamagwili.